Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
