Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
