Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
