You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
These tits shall not be calmed
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
