matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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