i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
