how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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