Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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