i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
