Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
