well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
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It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
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this hospital has no fireball
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize