3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
