So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
