Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
