What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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