You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
