K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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