Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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