The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
