I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
