Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
