you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
