i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
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