I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
