In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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