Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
