i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
