How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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