I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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