you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
