just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
