Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
