Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
