we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
