I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
