miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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