i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
