But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
