yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
