I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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