It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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