Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
