So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Found your dick twin last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize