i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
