I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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