The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
