You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
