Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Randomize
