I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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