Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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