when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
