I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
