This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
