You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
