I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
