The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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