a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
