yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
