Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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