thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
