is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I need mimosas to revive my soul
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
