I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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