I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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