My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
