I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
