You really coming over, don't trick.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
