he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
